I’m currently procrastinating on writing a recommendation letter for my husband, for another person. I’m ghostwriting for my husband who’s supposed to ghostwrite for a pilot I’ve never met. It is incredibly hard finding the words to say to describe my husband, as my husband, to this person.

Yet, I’m a stay at home mom now, with an English degree. And a small grasp on writing well.

So, this is a job for me now.

I always feel like I flail at nearly everything I try. I’m a dabbler, I do pick up skills pretty deftly when needed, but I’ve never gotten to the master-level of much of anything. Except for customer service, if that’s a thing- I am pretty darn good at handing people drinks, whether it be in the sky or in a coffee shop.

And now I find myself at the helm of a job many women dream: I get to stay at home with my kids. I’m not sure if being mommy was a dream I ever had, but it’s what I do now. Sometimes I certainly feel like I’m flailing and failing at it- I lose my temper a little to often. I’m not especially skilled at making my kids healthy food that they’ll actually eat. The house is in disarray more often than I’d like.

I do spend a great deal of time wondering where and how I’ll be in the future. Flying for an airline is something I’ll always dream of doing again. I’d like to go to college again to get a real degree that leads to a real job (nursing). I sometimes think I could write myself a paycheck, somehow, but I also know I’m too damn lazy and private for that.

So I’ll continue on my way as a ghostwriting, semi-blogger mom of three for now.

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