mother goose club 

Having kids is an exercise in repetition, and until you are raising one or two or three of them, you may think you know, but you have no idea.

Netflix suggested this show, The Mother Goose Club, for my kids this past summer. It’s geared towards ages 0-2. I put it on, and my then 16 month old froze. Her mouth agape, her eyes looking deader by the second, the mental heroin that MGC offers hooked her instantly.

At the same time, my six year old seemed addicted too. Like, really into it all at once. There is only 5 episodes of the damn show. I’ve never heard of it before it came up on my screen. It’s like some controlling higher force placed it there, and the conspiracy theory lover in me can’t help but feel there are evil motives behind it.

Because, suddenly, every kid I know five and under loves this show. If I’m hosting a playdate and things start to fall apart, the kids are screaming and me and my mom friends just want to continue our conversation in peace, I turn this show on and everyone freezes. They all watch in awe. I’ve never once seen a kid not pay attention.

And why? I can’t wrap my head around it. Yes, short musical numbers are catchy I suppose, and everything is colorful, but…. man, I just don’t get the show.

I sometimes wonder if the subliminal messages that show is obviously implanting in my children is going to lead to them murdering me in my bed, all while singing, “I’M A SOCCER ROCKER. I’M A SOCCER ROCKER. I’M A SOCCER ROCKER. AND I ROCK AT SOCCER!!!”

I feel an insane amount of guilt when I turn it on to distract my toddler. But, with a newborn at home, a blog to write, books to read, instagram to scroll, an election to cry about, recipes to look at, husbands to talk to….sometimes I need a sure fire way to keep her occupied. Usually I utilize it when I need to shower, or if I want to write. No one wants a stanky smelling mommy, and writing this blog has given me some form of creative output I haven’t felt in a long time.

So I turn the blasted thing on, lower the volume as low as I possibly can, and little L starts getting pumped full of whatever poison it is that show offers her.

Hey, the experts now said screen time under 2 isn’t as bad as previously thought, right?

these people will destroy our culture as we know it

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