negative motivation

My alarm blared at 5:15am this morning. I scraped myself up, walked into the dark living room, pumped milk and then returned to the room to top off baby H before I left. I bade a quiet goodbye to my husband, patted our dog on her head, and left.

Driving to the gym before the sun rises makes me feel like a motivated fit-ass bitch.

The 6 am “Insanity” class is new at the gym, and when I mentioned to my husband I was thinking about attending it he scoffed. He teased. He told me there was no way I’d make it to the class that early.

I mean, I can understand his jests.

I’m lazy – especially when he’s home. Unless I have work, I bum around all day. I sip coffee and watch my morning news program of choice (the awesome “Good Day New York” which features my fav duo Greg & Roseanne… I love unscripted, off the cuff and corny news when I wake up) and generally I procrastinate the day away in yoga pants and unwashed hair. I am that cliche SAHM.

And I also know he was teasing me as a way to get me to do it.

He knows me well.

Tell me I won’t succeed and I do my best. I’ve always been that way. But give me encouragement and support to go to the gym? I slink away and mutter and generally end up wearing the same clothes with a build of food stains three days in a row.

And even when I know I’m being played, even though I saw that smug twinkle in his eye as he was berating me and I was overreacting, a part of me believed him and just had to prove him wrong.

So that’s how I found myself with twenty other early morning gym rats, bouncing and pushing and sprinting in place. I’m sure most of the other people there had jobs to get to, important things to do. I am not one of those people. I was done with my workout at 7 am and had the rest of the morning to slurp on one cup of coffee and change diapers and try to find dairy-free snacks to snack on.

The class was good too. Nothing life-changing or revolutionary, but hard and I built up a good sweat. Will I make it a weekly habit? Not sure yet, but I do know if I ever dare to plan on attending it again, the husband will mock and I will shriek in reply and I’ll find myself back at the exact same place I did this morning, again.

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