paging elon musk

I’ve got some silly million dollar ideas, that I’m too lazy or too incompetent to bring to fruition. Please springboard these ideas into reality and I will gladly buy them and help you become a zillionaire.

  • SOFT ON THE INSIDE INFANT PAJAMAS 
    • It is very common for baby pajamas to have that buttery fleece on the outside, but if you feel inside them they are scratchy and not nearly as comfy as the outside. The manufacturers make it so us, the caretakers, are snuggly and comfortable when holding the baby, ignoring the actual baby’s comfort! I think I’ve solved some colic causes right here. Think about it. You are a month old, in a scratchy pj set, and then your parents swaddle you so the fabric is tight against your skin? I’d cry all night too.
  • SMART PHONE APPLICATIONS FOR THE ADDICTED
    • IDEA ONE: an app that has a running ticker of the number of times you check your phone. Everytime you pick your phone up and check the notifications, it tallies it up. This application also gives you a reminder of how long it’s been since the last check-in. I bet it’s shocking how frequently the majority of look at our phones.
    • IDEA TWO: I’d also love an application that tracks the running time of how much time you’ve spent on websites – and locks you out of websites after you’ve reached your daily allotment. We can all agree you don’t need to scroll longer than 30 minutes a day, so if you are like me and have issues with self-control, having a computer lock you out sounds like a great idea.
    • IDEA THREE: An annoying reminder, a la Netflix’s “Are You Still Watching?”, pop-up that could knock some sense into mindless scrolling: “You’ve Been on Facebook 12 Times Today…Are You Sure You Need To Ignore Your Kids Right Now?”
  • KEEP DREAMING MAMA BUT MAYBE SOMEHOW…
    • A way to accurately predict my kid’s appetites for the day. So less wasted food, translating into less excess calories going into my mouth because of said wasted food and me feeling guilty throwing away perfectly good chicken nuggets.
  • YOU KNOW THIS WOULD BE AMAZING…
    • Fart resistant sheets. They somehow exude Febreze the moment someone *ahem husband* passes gas so the other spouse doesn’t gag as they are in the middle of a nighttime nursing session with the baby. Sometimes it’s super hard not to scream “so unfair” when my spouse is snoozing away, happily, in the middle of the night while I’m up with a hungry baby, but then when he farts in his sleep? Ugh.
  • CRUNCHY PARENTS WOULD KILL FOR THIS…
    • A perfectly sized pillow for co-sleeping. A smart pillow that actively avoids baby faces yet mommy can sleep on it comfortably and doesn’t wake up with a weird crick in her neck.
    • A washing machine set up for cloth diapering. It lets you set two washes in a row so you can avoid going downstairs .. ok now I’m just getting lazy.
  • EXERCISERS THE WORLD OVER WITH KIDS KNOW WE ALL NEED…
    • a Fitbit that accurately counts steps taken while pushing a stroller. I mean, come on! We manage to get the kids outside, go get exercise and come home to find out we’ve only counted a fraction of our steps? Not Fair!

Elon Musk! You know you can do this for me, and trust me, a vast sea of consumers will reward you if you can bring these things to life. Thanks!

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