B*DAY

Yes, this is the day of my birth. A day that means so much when you are a kid, and gradually the importance fades as I settle deeper into “adulthood”. I don’t even want to think about how old I am; it’s not that I’m ashamed, but it just seems like such a high number.

35.

Thirty-five.

I think about where I was 10 years ago; I was celebrating with my flight-attendant-training-class. We went to hibachi and I had shots of sake. Ten years prior to that I was in high school, it was the last day of school, and I probably managed to cheat death by driving around and drinking beer with my friends. And ten years before that, at age five, I think we had a T-Ball party?

My point is, I’m to the point where there are multiple decades to reflect on and that’s just odd.

My kids woke me up this morning, snuggling, singing, excited. I still look at the three of them and I’m in wonder. I grew all of them. They are all their own person. I would have never dreamed I’d end up with three little blond kids, living in a small house on Long Island as a stay-at-home mom.

Birthdays are about celebration but they are also about reflection. Like, where was I a year ago, compared to now? Last year I was working at Starbucks every few days. Since that time I’ve completed and aced both Chemistry 100 and Anatomy and Physiology 1. I’m actually that much closer to nursing school. My kids are healthy and thriving. My husband and I still joke around and like spending time together; he’s my best friend. We are moving off the island and settling into a new home.

But last year, on my 34th birthday, all of this wasn’t even in my mind grapes. Nursing school was an idea; but now it’s becoming a reality. I’ve always known Long Island wasn’t my permanent home, but I honestly didn’t expect my husband to ever leave his motherland.

So, it is with whimsy that I sign off here and wish myself a happy day of birth. Where will I be in a year? Will our new suburban mansion be filled to the brim with homey decorated touches? Will I be in actual nursing school? Will Holden, the baby (currently aged 20 months) STILL be breastfeeding? (Oh god I hope not…) And then, gasp, ten years from now at aged 45— where in the heck will my life be? Eli will be about to graduate from high school, I’ll have two other teenagers … ok, with that, I’m really saying so long. It’s just to much to consider.

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